February 10, 2009
Conspiracy = The Ol’ Dirty Bastard of Canada
- by Mindbender
Right now, as of February 1st, 2009, Conspiracy lives in Toronto, Ontario. He has lived in virtually every single city across Canada over the last 13 years since we have been creating our legacy as the twin hype behind the legendary Supreme Being Unit. He’s been homeless, he’s slept on couches, he’s been in his own apartment, he’s lived with rappers from coast to coast, and he’s been in nice, healthy environments and mini-mansions, along the way. I don’t know exactly when he took his turn down the dark path he’s now slowly but surely treading on, but I last remember seeing the Conspiracy I grew up with sometime around fall 1996. We moved from Ottawa back to Toronto where we were born, to enroll in music college. Our tuition got delayed a semester, so I decided to stay in Toronto, and Conspiracy decided to leave the city. Honestly, it was never the same again. He went to Edmonton, Vancouver, and a few other cities before I saw him again, and the next time I saw him…. he was, just… different. Very, very different.
“That shit from the movies, where someone goes “it wasn’t me, I have a twin brother!” That shit is TRUE for me!”
Man, it was really bad back then. I was afraid of him. I didn’t know him. I honestly told him once, near the turn of the millennium, as I looked into his eyes: “I do not know who I am looking at anymore.” Doesn’t sound like much, but when you are looking into a family members eyes (particularly your identical twin brother), and speaking directly from your heart, saying something like that is a excruciating and crystallizing moment in life, and a serious sign that things done changed. He nearly destroyed the world I fought hard to create in Toronto, back then. I worked at HMV 333 Yonge St, the Flagship store near Dundas St., and he would come in, acting kinda erratic, and people who didn’t know Mindbender had a twin brother would think it was me, and would get mad because I wasn’t acting how I normally did around them, and sometimes straight ignored them. That shit from the movies, where someone goes “it wasn’t me, I have a twin brother!” That shit is TRUE for me! Laugh all you want. It helps soothe my pain. It got so crazy, my boss almost fired me for insubordination not knowing that it was Conspiracy who was talking to her, and when I went home, my landlord almost evicted me for other things that Conspiracy did while I was busy at work all day. Then, I’d come home and see he spent other parts of the day just playing Playstation, and not getting money like you need to, to survive and live decently in Toronto. That was in 2001 or so, and we got through that chapter. Painfully, but we eventually got beyond all that. Unfortunately, those days have returned yet again. They are not as painful as they were before, but I’m having a case of deja vu in 2009. It simply means we have not yet solved the central problem. What is the problem called? Nobody really knows. How do you solve a problem you can’t find? Welcome to my life, my friend.
What I believe, is that Conspiracy has a sense of entitlement embedded in him quite deep, and it’s part of the secret source of his hell. Both of us have been called “gifted” children our whole lives. We went to a special art-focused elementary school, we were always A-plus students academically, and often got bored with the things the school system tried to shovel into our very-active brains. We were always thinking ahead of our age, contemplating government conspiracies, aliens, drugs, psychic powers, pre-Biblical history, ancient religions, and any other random subject that is more intellectually stimulating than Shakespeare or the Canadian Shield. I’m still a sponge for all the knowledge in the universe, but Conspiracy just kept going down one certain path. These days, he’s all into the Holy Tabernacle Ministries, founded by Malachi Z. York. Erykah Badu and Posdnous of De La Soul are a few of the other hip hop heads into HTM. I have read some books on it, but find them to be no different than any other religion. I have learned from those books, but I don’t exactly believe that Nibiru the mothership planet is coming back to rescue the devotees in some new Black rapture. But that’s just me. Conspiracy constantly speaks about his belief and faith in HTM, and sometimes speaks about disappearing from hip hop and society to go join the head temple in Atlanta. So if he ever completely drops off everyone’s radar, then put that on your places to look for him. Not that I think he has the money to afford the trip…
I say all this to say: Conspiracy is an unbelievably complex individual. Mind-bendingly complex, if I may. His history with drugs of many kinds and his history as a rebellious teenager who defied the law and the system for so many years, has created an extension to his core character that I think is part of the problem he’s struggling with today. He’s got some mental health issues (we all do in this sick and decaying society, just some more or less than others) and he’s got some drug abuse issues (we all do in this sick and decaying society, jsut some more or less than others). The thing is, Conspiracy doesn’t really recognize these problems very well. He calls himself a “hedonist” but isn’t fully equipped to be responsible for his own intoxication. He can’t afford everything he wants out of life, because he’s that off balance. He speaks of grandiose plans of music world domination and business schemes that don’t often fully manifest (as seen on a few message boards around the internet), and his life is a constantly shifting journey tying his glorious childhood to a negative-energy-generating teenage chapter, currently connecting to a crippled adulthood, due to the fact that he has not fully realized his potential.
“If you spent five minutes around him, you would be able to tell something isn’t exactly right, so it’s no big secret to reveal any of this.”
In my opinon, Conspiracy needs to go to rehab, straight up. No homeless shelter to make him see, no jail to wake him up, no living in an apartment near his family so we can keep an eye on him, no spot in New York City to try and make more rap dreams come true… he needs a motherfuckin’ time out like Chris Webber, word to Common Sense. Until he faces his mysterious, semi-diagnosed yet untreated mental health issues and his persistent addiction to narcotics of all kinds, he will not achieve his dreams or reach his goals, and I’m seeing it. All other options are just temporary delays of the inevitable showdown he must face in life, to me. I say this because I love him, and I know him pretty good. I have seen him do a lot of things that he’d never want shared, and I have heard him say things that I would never want to repeat to any human being. All of this equates to me realizing that we are all struggling with something dark inside of us all, but some of us have it worse than others. And beyond that, we just can’t kill each other’s demons. It’s the one-self duel, word to Divine Styler. Conspiracy is the only person who can completely cure himself of his double barrel disease. Exactly like Ol’ Dirty Bastard, an artistic genius who was also suffering from mental health issues (a form of schizophrenia) and drug abuse issues (crack, coke, alcohol, etc.) while still living in the public eye, Conspiracy needs to chiggedy-check himself before he wrecks himself.
If anyone has any words of wisdom, suggestions, harsh truths, or good advice they want to offer, please be my guest. I hid this secret from the world for years and it got us both nothing. Now, I have nothing to hide, and I don’t think Conspiracy should hide anything either. If you spent five minutes around him, you would be able to tell something isn’t exactly right, so it’s no big secret to reveal any of this. Because as I said to Conspiracy at one point: “you do the drugs to hide from the mental issues you are facing. You’ve been doing the drugs for nearly a decade, and the problems are not going away. Don’t you feel like it’s time to face your struggles in life straight up, without drugs or alcohol or anything but your honest, pure self?”
Conspiracy is part of the Supreme Being Unit, which is all of us in life. His pain is our pain, his joy is our joy, his heart is your heart, and his mind is your mind. When ODB died, I was fucked up severely for days. It was so avoidable, his death. I feel the same about Conspiracy. If he doesn’t get better, it’s only gonna get worse, and we’ve seen a LOT of dark days, and if there are even darker days ahead, then I guess I’m gonna try my best to get thru them, and live to tell the story. I thought we hit rock bottom a few years ago, but rock bottom is supposed to be a sacred turning point in someone’s life, where they realize they are at the crossroads of godly and devilish choices. I hope Conspiracy saves himself and his Inner God conquers his Inner Devil. Time will tell.
Finally, from the center of my soul, I must say: peace to those who care. A lot of people have helped keep Conspiracy/Khari from making a fatal mistake for all these years, and to all you earth angels, I thank you with more appreciation than words can ever capture. From here, we can’t do anything but care for him and love him from afar, from outside of his life. We can’t make any choices for him, he has to want to change and heal and grow from where he’s at.
Whether tough love or gentle, we all must keep hope alive, and tell Conspiracy to relax his mind, let his conscious be free, and keep his head up.
Love,
Adhimusic “Mindbender Supreme” Stewart
39 Responses
Canadian rap is so intimate.
Wow. That’s heartfelt – peace, Mindbender.
That’s pretty heavy, and nothing we could say would really be more than you’ve likely already tried. It would especially hard to become seperate or detached from him and his behaviour being his twin… I wish that one of us could help him, but you know as well as anyone that he has to want to change, to get help, before anything will happen. Just make sure he has somewhere/someone to go to once he’s made those changes.
Thanks for the insight too. I really hope things get better. Peace –
Get off the drugs and I’ll make you an albums worth of beats for free. Mindbender will have to give the confirmation.
A well written piece. Not much else you can say. I hope things work out though! Keep your head up!
Amazing. All the best to you and your brother for real.
Excellent article. One of the best reads I have had here on ugsmag. Truthfully no matter what anyone else does, change comes from inside a person. If they dont want to change, they never will.
It is hard to hear someone you know and respect has fallen so hard. I have had a friend overdose in front of me, then try and go right back in, to get more. Reistance is in your mind, fam + friends can only speak, it is up to him to change. I hope for the best, a happy ending. I knew there was a brother but not a twin. bless.
1 luv.
I didn’t start rappin live till conspiracy came to Cgy. Bamboo tiki.
Throwing it out there, I can’t let a dope cat fade away and so, there’s always a warm place to stay here.
All Eyes On C, contact is necessary, believe it or not, all tangents give a fuck.
I’d be dead without my bro’s, my fam, my girl and all blood, so to speak.
If you need to do something for the final masterpiece, I don’t believe it’s prepared yet.
Forget all the bs I wrote for the past ? years, I’ll be downright choked if you do this to a community of thousands; then I’ll have no one to look up to anymore.
This ain’t no guilt trip, smarten up.
You are loved by many, at LEAST, contact your bro.
Alter
shit is tough, but i can definately relate to Mindbender on this… you just gotta keep your head up.
Thanks for writing that Addy – hope all is well. I know how shitty it was for us, can’t imagine how hard it is for you. You guys always have our support though.
Conspiracy you mutherfuckin cunt, between you and Chazmo there’s at least 5 albums that should’ve been made but never will. You always talked about not sleeping on our own shit, you need to wake the fuck up and if I knew your phone number I’d tell you that – if you read this just know you’re stronger then you think.
Peace
very necessary and powerful. Conspiracy is truly a genius and i’m very glad that this article was written and the way it was written.
we need to help each other.
we ALL need to.
props to conspiracy, sbu and mindbender for this amazing display of courage.
get a job, stop doin drugs and start plannin for when u really wont be able to werk no more.
thanks for reading this and sharing your responses, everybody.
Moves, I wish he was able to focus on such a simple life plan. His head is too messed up to even simplify everything to just doing that.
everyone else… reach out to Conspiracy. Throw truth bombs at him. I don’t give a fuck anymore cause I have given too much fucking love to give anymore. It’s all truth now, that’s all I have left to give.
Conspiracy came to my house yesterday, without me inviting him, and he drove me fucking crazy… again. He barely has enough food to eat (I gave him a loaf of bread) and he still wants to just smoke weed all day. He talks about all this business he’s doing in Toronto, but I don’t see any real world evidence of the things he says.
Life is slow motion torture for me, seeing him live so shitty. Its eating away at the back of my mind every single fucking day of my own life, and I am slowly going insane myself. It’s so hip hop, seeing this very avoidable self-destruction control so much things in life.
I have said to Conspiracy straight up: “you need to get up, get out and get something, don’t let the days of your life pass by/ you need to get up, get out and get something… DON’T SPEND ALL YOUR TIME TRYING TO GET HIGH!” And he still doesn’t get it together…
rap is life
and rap is outta control right now
anyways, thanks for everything, Noyz and Jaundus Bee.
stay tuned, this is far from over.
love,
Mindbender Supreme
oh yeah, here’s how to reach out to Conspiracy.
[email protected]
Khari Stewart on Facebook
he doesn’t check them very often.
most days, he’s just floating around places, looking for ways to get high.
it’s not like he’s too busy to respond… he just doesn’t have his priorities straight.
drugs are his God.
keep hope alive,
Mindbender
wow.deep.
another reason i don’t sell or partake in the devil’s illusionary substances.. Well ‘cept for herb and a lil liquor(tried to quit sippin’ many times though)
hope dawg does a 360′
peace.
i havent even talked to khari since he left to go back east. its a shame he refuses to face his problems. i think a sober, clear minded conspiracy would be an unstoppable force in rap without a doubt.
IP. I know we have our differences and thanks for posting what you posted, but yo, you need a math degree!
I personally hope Khari does a 180′, but he has his decisions to live by.
naw dawggy, he need to come full circle….back to his og self.
ya dig…ONE.
conspiracy is my fuckin homie, everytime i write a rhyme or make a beat that mother fucker is constantly rapping in my mind, I am basically biting him sublimanally cuz he has had that much of an influence on everything I do related to hip hop, I even have stole some of his lines and used them in my rhymes cuz I know no one would notice (khari knows how real it gets) its not too late homie, this life you lead is RARE and to destroy it over some self loathing self indulgent, self destructive train of thought is bullshit always remeber quality over quantity, your fam and friends fuckin love you and the next reincarnation might be something much worse where you have NOTHING and everyone fuckin hates you, you got it easy right now CHANGE THE PATH, I know you know what the fuck ima talking about. I cant expect you to get clean NOBODY is clean, we all have skeletons, just dont take what you have been given for granted. Sex is the key is my fucking crowning achievment man I love that album, hopefully one day we can run with it.
fuck, I remember when Conspiracy regularly visited my house to record mixtape songs and make covers for his albums. He used shiver like hell ’cause it was my parent’s house and he couldn’t smoke weed or do drugs. He could definitely improve his life, he has the will. I miss the dude, and I hope he stays alive to make improvements on his living conditions.
A lot of times addicts just need proof that people out there still love them and there lives are worth living soberly. I’ve never seen such evidence of that than right here. Thanks, Mr. Bender.
Very nice.
Damn that’s some harshness. I feel I can relate to this as my lil bro is in the same boat and has been for the past 12 years or so. He livin in TO, mental health/substance abuse issues, follower of Allah and when/if I’m able to get in touch with him we have them same type of supportive convos that he translates as attacks. I don’t know what advice to give other than that which y’all have. Gotta get the funk out & stabilize. As long as you know you got love from your peoples the strength gotta come from within to make that change. “Make that change…..Whoo!” -Michael Jackson
1
B
Damn, that piece was amazing. I really hope he turns things around.
perhaps another SBU album should be in effect, if possible.
Maybe there is a new S.B.U. album out and maybe it was produced by a rodent DJ who happens to be a DMC champion. Maybe.
haha, and maybe it’s been recorded since 2003 and sat on a hard drive and was never mixed down. It might have been called ‘In Space Nobody Can Hear You Rhyme’….maybe
I have run into Conspiracy on a few occaisons but had no idea the history leading up to who he is today, it makes me feel like a pile of shit for judging him as a simple addict.
I will say that he is a character to have met. The ODB of canadian hiphop is only scratching the surface.
And I have to be honest, while living in Edmonton, I had been on the recieving end of a few random phone calls from him… asking me to buy his mixtapes for more than what he advertises on forums(he never had phoned me for anything else actually). Good for a laugh, but really it’s no laughing matter. Addiction is a scary process, I have known many who turned down the road, and few who made it back in good mental health.
This is an amazing message, straight from the heart. I hope he sees how many people really love and care for him and he can make the right choice.
OK everybody-Listen to the lighthearted truth from my personal perspective.
MINDBENDER.-what you are saying/spreading on UGSMAG.com is basically generalized as STRAIGHT, pure slanderous media attempts at degrading all of the overachievements by the Astral Majesty Creations. I appreciate only what you have lent me, down to equal receipt FACE VALUE, period. I know natural nutrition technically costs monetary mathematics, but if you want to ever even knowing that I am somwhere in Toronto/Canada/Planet Earth, then don’t act like $425 worth of one month’s under-assistance/negative pessimistic, condescending complaint-riddled [laced with tongue-in-cheek ridicule…?!?!?!] “help/re-focusing” got me angrily motivated to attempt securing full-time 100% legal long-term experience gaining employment.
MB-you can get dissed right out of the Canadian rhyme artist style cipher with behind-the-back internet disrespect. I don’t like the things that you have decided to say about me on the net. Although, without your semi-non positive guidance, I’d either be back in Edmonton or Ottawa. But to summarize, i’m now still in Toronto, —WITH MORE FRIENDLY FAMILY/BUSINESS MINDED INDIVDUALS. Not to be a jerk/dumb loser, but if i get/sence some hate, then i’ll equalize equivically. I don’t listen to garbage nonsence, FROM ANYBODY, good or bad. Sorry, but thanks anyways. Buddy/guy/dude/dog/holmes, DON’T TRY TO MAKE A NAME OFF OF MY TEMPORARY SITUATIONAL MISFORTUNES…. you’ll not comprehend the levels of Angelic intelligence information endentainment education…..
HTM is more imprtant than all of politics/economics/fashion/and parts of the scholastic system. December 21, 2012- CONSPIRACY is in Cairo, Egypt for spiritual symbolism seriously studying soundly.
I , in BLACK HISTORY MONTH 2009-obama!!!- tight fluke…
am in toronto, at my own house, paying Canadian Government money just for being a tax-paying citizen in a first world country. Props to the Metro Hall dogs and cats, that can manage to -REALLY-, NO I mean –REALLY– $$pay$$ money for straight survival.
and if i do disappear/die/travel/re-locate/unexpected unknown changes occur, then i chose my own ways to love life lightly righteously right, really.
i owe my continued survival extension to:
wasun-JAHNETIX
Crunk Chris-LegendaryEntertainment.com
BATTLE AXE RECORDS-Prevail 1 and madchild
Low Budget Affiliates-CHRIS PLUS/ADDVICE/MAX PRIME/CHAZMO [remember it all-says THE HOLY TABLET authored by The presently-incarcerated Reverend Honorabvle Dr. Malachi Z. York.—-if certain ones pass judgement, achieving Afterlife with Loving Divinity, we’ll reminisce on a variety/mixture of mass multiplied memories…..just for the fun of enjoying THE GRANTED GIFT OF THE BREATH OF LIFE……..comprehend understanding? True Truth Truly…
Rewynd and Project1-too much to say with pure love, star…call me at 416-671-8489
Let’s all retire….work to play MEANS?
visitors like movies similar to E.T, ID4, Return Of the Jedi, Area 51 secret society star sciences. Occult forbidden interplanetary paranormal balance forces disturbances plus the unexpected…
creation is irreversable, post birth….kill nothing unless you choose to in legitimate self-defence.
bad wrong loses to good right.
LOVE-PEACE-UNITY and HAVING FUN…
CONSPIRACY AMC 2010-2013+
i am praying on this foreal
conspiracy, come to freedomize (tell eternia to bring you)
mindbender, be good to see you again homie
i’d love to talk in person
God be with you
Nothing’s worse then seeing two people so close to each other fight.
You guys are both my homeys so don’t take this the wrong way – but both of you are infintly stronger together then seperate. Andre 3000 and Big Boi don’t even hang out on tour but they still make dope music – think about that for a bit.
Peace
where do i start with this one? am i even allowed to say anything? jesus… only a handful of you out there may even know who i am or my involvement in both mindbender or conspiracy’s life but when i read this article i was deeply saddened. i felt physically sick to my stomach.
i remember and can testify to the truth of this article. these are some talented kids, who like addi has said were and are, in not just my opinion, borderline geniuses. how do i know? i was there with them. we pushed the envelope, questioned everything, turned everything we absorbed into art and lived our lives accordingly. i was never an mc, i just couldn’t do it, but i was and still am an artist in my own right.
I can’t feel anything but some responsibility for the path that khari has chosen: between the two of us we pushed too hard, took things way past the point of no return and used and abused ourselves a little too much… all this before the age of 18. i’m sorry litlle bro, i should have been a better influence, i should have been there, and for that i feel ashamed.
All this said, i do understand where khari is coming from, believe it or not. i’ve struggled with addictions of my own. i’ve lied, cheated and stolen to get what i thought i needed. i’ve put my family through hell because of inability to be honest with myself. theres probably still people out there that i still owe money to. i know what its like to think that because of things you’ve done, that no-one cares about you or wants you around. Khari, people love you and need you to be yourself, and need you in their lives… and i’m one of them.
love always you two,
your bro,
darren
I think Addi’s intentions are just and obviously a last resort to connect with his brother. His brother’s reply seems like that of an unhealthy ‘being.’ Hope this ends well.
OMG,what tha fuck iz goin on up there yo???????????/K u know who this is bro I cant believe what tha hell Im reading mang!!!!!!!!!!!!!!Im like tha only one up on here who knows tha real truth behind all of this,I know who,where & when these unfortuante events all started I jus wish i knew WHY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!Addi bro u know who I am I think Im on ur Facebook homes I Really know what u r going through son I been surounded by tha dope game my whole life bro!My pops died from tha shit and he sold it my entire life and well b4 & my moms been on shit since tha 60’s yo and I been flippin since like 94-95 so I KNOW THA REAL DEAL HOLLYFIELD!!!!!!!!!I know Conspiricy like a brother yall I lived with him in Van,E Town & even flew his ass back east to Hali and put him up in tha summer of 01 as a favor to yall moms!!!!!!!!!Im very dissapointed to hear all of this yo!!!!!!!!!How u gonna get into tha shit u saw all dem bubs I use to deal with bro,remember Heron Juan Tha Don!!!!!!!!!!!All I can say is one love and get ur head offtha fuckin table bro and stop being SOOOOOOOOO fuckin selfish homes,I know u and u r sayin here goes tha dope dealing preacher but I TRULY know what tha fuck iz up and there aint no pot of gold at tha end of this rainbow bro!!!!!!!!!!!!I know u trust & respect mr homes so plz listen bredgen!!!!!!!!!!!!God bless from ur Scotian brother & keep ya head up Addi,u got a long and tough battle on ur hands bro,one!!!!!!!!!!
an incredible piece, a lot of insights into the mind of a truly great, original Canadian talent…wish him the best, i really do
I miss you Khari. I miss those days in the 109th st E-Town Mini-mansion…You me and Chizzle laying on the floor in OUR living room speaking about 2012 man. We were going to ascend to the next level without any of that shit bro. We had our fun to expand not to ascend. We had our fun to make rhymes/beats/art. It didnt get control of us. But when it did some of us just had to go and get better. Just like you do my friend. You can still do what you want to do without ALL the shit. You can still be what you want to be without ALL the shit. You can still arrive at the destination that you want without ALL the shit. I miss you Khari. I need new mix tapes bro heheh. When you are back in E-Town i WILL find you. See you soon my friend.
B.ASS