Powerful words from the great Kimya Dawson.
“I’m not self righteous and I’m not perfect by any means. I don’t expect perfection from anyone but I’d like to see some real fucking effort. I have done fucked up things in my life that I will regret forever but I recognize that and that remorse helps me grow and do better. It’s fucking hard. I know that. And I don’t want an apology. I don’t care who gets dropped or cancelled. I want dudes to stop being the gatekeepers who enable abusive behavior. And in the meantime I want those gatekeepers to stop pretending that they don’t know what they know. I want to see men held accountable rather than nurtured in environments that make them think they can keep getting away with their shit. I want for scenes and spaces to be truly safe. I don’t want to make a grand public statement but I also don’t want my silence to be the reason anyone else gets hurt. I realize I can help others recognize the warning signs and to know that if he starts by putting you on a pedestal and telling you how perfect you are then flipping the script and always telling you you are too crazy or too sensitive or too triggered or that your memory of what went down was wrong or that everything has to be a total secret then there’s a great big chance he’s just fucking with your head to try to control and manipulate you and the situation and how the situation will be perceived. It’s all by the book. The more I talk to people the more I find that sooooooo many of us have had similar experiences and been told the same exact things by so many people.
Don’t ignore the red flags.
Trust your gut.
Your gut is probably right.
Enough is enough.
I look forward to the beautiful things that will eventually emerge from this shit-show.
***I know that there are abusers of all genders but right now the conversation is about power and the patriarchy and boys clubs and bro codes in music.